Trust Sleuth T-Shirts

"I'd like to be straightforward about all this, but, of course, that's out of the question."

$1: Family Secrets

"Remember how I've always had a hard time asking for help?"

Clickbait

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

Help!!! I've been kidnapped - Your Money.

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

'Today, the market did the 'Ol' Dipsy, but recovered in the 'Doodle'.'

'Oh my God! You look like you've see the FTSE.'

'Okay - Let's crash that bad boy.'

Have you seen my money?

"Password must contain at least one pictograph."

'This morning a rumor that we would buy the Arpex Corp drove our stock up $3. Around noon a rumor that Arpex would buy us drove it up another $3. And in the afternoon a rumor that wo have nothing to do with Arpex drove it up $3 more.'

"Our stock is down. Start some rumors on Wall Street that it's going up."

'We've gone through your books and we demand payment in cash.'

'I'd trust you anywhere - I think!'

"Officer, someone hacked my bluetooth pressure cooker and blew my kitchen apart! What can I do?"

Secret Service Dogs

"The bank examiners are here, oh!...I see you already know."

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

"We're going to need the best forensic accountants money can buy."

What security flaw?

"He's falsified data, he's falsified results...and now he says he loves me."

I'm loving the phone hacking scandal. I love it when ne'er-do-wells use technology to steal personal information. Because you like when people suffer. No. Because I love it when technology is proven as evil. Spare me. Technology is not evil. People are evil. Computers don't hack people. People hack people. Macs hack, Macs hack! You watch your mouth, filthy human! Fight, fight …

I figured out how these folks keep guaranteeing the precise day the world ends. Shhh. Keep it down. Why? It's a scam? If you read the read the fine print, they are promising that the world will begin to end that day. Could take forever. It's a no-lose scam … Shhh! What? It's scary when the world might end. There are a lot of people out there who need comforting. Women people, I presume. Women people, I presume. Who take comfort in necking. And you belittle their fears?

Artwork in a gallery still has wet paint.

Exportation and importation in Cuba

"Nice try, Mr. Willis, but it won't make any difference."

'Always bought low.'

'This model sends back a pre-recorded message to any hacker.'

Gone Phishing

"Fraud ..what fraud?... " SEC

'Is there a doctor in the house we can trust?'

"I'm all for security, but you having an 80-factor authentication may be a little over the top."