Trouble Philosopher Gifts

'You're lucky. At least you know your troubles aren't psychosomatic!'

Pigeon Little

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Reverse psychology

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'He's studying to go to university' - Student reading book; 'HOW TO LIVE ON NO MONEY'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

"It Works For Us."

The existentialist manifesto according to Jean-Paul Sinatra-'oooby Dooby Doo!'

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

School of hard knocks: Mail box 'Knock-knock jokes'

A problem is opportunity in working clothes.

"I refuse to go down with the ship."

"If someone says they're a leader and no one hears it, is it true?"

Phrenology - Braille Edition.

I lactate, therefore I am.

"No thanks, I'm vegetarian."

"Rats, the peace-talks are progressing well and they're pushing for a cease-fire: better make the most of it while we can..."

The end is near.

"Listen up - today is the first day in the rest of the coronavirus crisis!"

"After the Great Seagull Reincarnation, we'll spend eternity stealing sandwiches and defecating as we please."

"My mum always said life is like a tin of cat food. You never know what you're gonna get..."

Two men fight with Law and Order signs.