Trombone Buff Pillows

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

"I told him he should have trained more."

"It's the cat doc, he scares me."

'Very funny!'

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

West End Shows closing - box office piled high with boxes.

Mike had learnt by heart the whole training manual, apart from the most important bit.

'This training session is all about challenging assumptions. For example you see someone looking depressed, dishevelled, unkempt it's easy to jump to conclusions. But they may not be a social worker, they may be a client!'

"Enough already! You’re depressing me!"

The tortoise and the hare are in a shoe store trying on shoes in preparation for their race.

'We've found the problem...'

'What do you mean I have to buy both of them?! What kind of a business are you running?'

'Young players have a tendency to forget fundamentals over the winter.'

Silver Sufferer - husband looking at steam trains on the internet, wife bored in background

"Do you recognize the one who stole your tractor?"

Today's seminar is going to be so much fun...

26,000 B.C. 'OG' invents the first Trombone. . .

"Hello dear- couldn't you sleep either?"

Internal Combustion.

'This summer, how does obedience camp sound?'

'Sure, it's a nice buffet, but I can't help thinking it's a bit morbid...'

"That chew toy was boring, so I got on your computer. Apparently, neither one of you has a clue about basic computer security and maintenance."

"If you guys didn't crack me up so much I'd have you committed."

'Hate is a pretty strong word. Are you sure you're not just lactose intolerant of your mother?'

'I hope it's important, he hates being interrupted during his trombone practice.'

"More than one person has claimed I've driven them to drink."

'Let's try word-association, shall we? WORK.' 'SHY.'