Therapy Buff Pillows

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"More than one person has claimed I've driven them to drink."

"I have a hard time getting people to listen to me."

Sticker on car outside Department of Psychotherapy reads, "Go to work on an ego."

"How long have you felt like a man trapped in the body of an alligator?"

"Hey, it's all right - we're all afraid of vacuum cleaners."

'Do you want to have a conversation?'

'Let's try word-association, shall we? WORK.' 'SHY.'

'She says I should shop more.'

'Let's set aside the role as the 'Bringer of Death' and explore your desire to dance,'

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."

"Enough already! You’re depressing me!"

"It's the cat doc, he scares me."

"You always want to be the patient. Have you ever wondered what that says about you?"

'I want you to stay away from here for a few months- I'm going to try 'benign eglect' therapy.'

Maths teacher in therapy.

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

'I take copious notes because everything you say needs to be examined carefully...for the best seller I'm writing.'

"I'll have to cancel our meeting Mr Jones,I'm afraid I've got a headache."

'Hate is a pretty strong word. Are you sure you're not just lactose intolerant of your mother?'

'Don't worry, Mr. Jones. You're not hallucinating again. I'm going to a fancy dress party after this session.'

"If you guys didn't crack me up so much I'd have you committed."

Psychiatry Clinic. I sent him to the megalomania therapy website, but he just keeps Goggling himself.

Your relationship can thrive again but you've got to work on it. You've got to experience your feelings and express them. Amanda Kern. Comics counseling. Sadie, when Mort says that President Obama symbolizes a new era of hope and cooperation, how does that make you feel? Nauseated, insulted, disgusted by Mort's Pollyannaish wimpyness. Good, now say it to Mort. Here? In front of you?

Oh my goodness, you're right - I've only been hiding from myself!

Psychiatry. I have a fear of flying down long, enclosed hallways! Ah, carpet tunnel syndrome!

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

"We're ALL nuts my friend."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

If nobody had invented graphics

"Wait! Don't start the chase now: I need to stretch first!:

Video Henge: made from melting and molding 3,000,000 obsolete VCR tapes.

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.