Therapy Buffs Pillows

'My mother was a real bitch!'

"Am I sensing fear?"

'Well, in all my years as a relationships adviser, this is the first time I've had to admit defeat within the first five minutes!'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Licensed Therapist

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"Postwar is hell."

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

Couples' therapy

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

X-ray Psychology.

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

"We need to update your entire operating system."

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."

'I hate Mondays.'

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

'We have three minutes left.'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."