Therapy Buffs Pillows

'My mother was a real bitch!'

"Am I sensing fear?"

'Well, in all my years as a relationships adviser, this is the first time I've had to admit defeat within the first five minutes!'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Licensed Therapist

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"Postwar is hell."

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

Couples' therapy

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

X-ray Psychology.

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

'I hate Mondays.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'We have three minutes left.'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven