Trombone Buff Gifts

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"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

"I told him he should have trained more."

"It's the cat doc, he scares me."

'Very funny!'

Gym. Instructor. Why do you want to learn kickboxing? I've always wanted to win a fight hands down!

West End Shows closing - box office piled high with boxes.

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

'This training session is all about challenging assumptions. For example you see someone looking depressed, dishevelled, unkempt it's easy to jump to conclusions. But they may not be a social worker, they may be a client!'

Mike had learnt by heart the whole training manual, apart from the most important bit.

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."

"Enough already! You’re depressing me!"

The tortoise and the hare are in a shoe store trying on shoes in preparation for their race.

'We've found the problem...'

'What do you mean I have to buy both of them?! What kind of a business are you running?'

'Young players have a tendency to forget fundamentals over the winter.'

Silver Sufferer - husband looking at steam trains on the internet, wife bored in background

Today's seminar is going to be so much fun...

"Do you recognize the one who stole your tractor?"

Personnel. You did high-tech work in this railroad job? It was a part-time position --- I was a semi-conductor.

Your relationship can thrive again but you've got to work on it. You've got to experience your feelings and express them. Amanda Kern. Comics counseling. Sadie, when Mort says that President Obama symbolizes a new era of hope and cooperation, how does that make you feel? Nauseated, insulted, disgusted by Mort's Pollyannaish wimpyness. Good, now say it to Mort. Here? In front of you?

Oh my goodness, you're right - I've only been hiding from myself!

26,000 B.C. 'OG' invents the first Trombone. . .

"How long have you felt like a man trapped in the body of an alligator?"

"Hello dear- couldn't you sleep either?"

'Let's set aside the role as the 'Bringer of Death' and explore your desire to dance,'

'Sure, it's a nice buffet, but I can't help thinking it's a bit morbid...'

"If you guys didn't crack me up so much I'd have you committed."

"That chew toy was boring, so I got on your computer. Apparently, neither one of you has a clue about basic computer security and maintenance."

'Hate is a pretty strong word. Are you sure you're not just lactose intolerant of your mother?'

Internal Combustion.

'This summer, how does obedience camp sound?'

'I hope it's important, he hates being interrupted during his trombone practice.'

"More than one person has claimed I've driven them to drink."