Trend Follower Troubles Gifts

"So all these years you never did yoga but just walked around carrying the mat?"

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

Emergency Hipster Beard

On Aug. 3, 1992, the Moon rose over the horizon wearing heavy eye-liner and mohawk. Fortunately it was just a phase.

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

"My tweet about not caring about what is trending is now trending."

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

"That shirt is so last year."

Kensington Fluffies

'If you're looking for compensatory materialism on wheels, look no further.'

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

Final words on gravestones.

'Why don't you use more blue? -- Blue is very popular these days.'

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

Giraffe Selfie

Notice: this dress will be out of style by January 2009.

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

'What's this I hear about you going long?'

"We succumbed to your hype."