Market Trend Follower Gifts

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

"I don't have a set price. I charge what the market will bear."

Rest Rooms: Bulls and Bears

"I'm not superstitious, but the internet connection broke down and the computer crashed just when I wanted to buy technology stocks..."

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

'He's known for his pessimistic prognostications on the stock market.'

"Apparently, if he sees his shadow it's another six weeks of a bear market."

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

Studies show foods work miracles!

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

"I'll have you know that, '#dirtylitterbox' is trending on Twitter."

On Aug. 3, 1992, the Moon rose over the horizon wearing heavy eye-liner and mohawk. Fortunately it was just a phase.

'The recession is over, again.'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

'If you're looking for compensatory materialism on wheels, look no further.'

Where do you see yourself five years from today, dork-boy? 43 Breen Road. What are you talking about? It's where everyone wants to go. It's the most popular AirBnB in San Francisco. The earliest opening they had was five years from today. Just book a hotel. Hotels are so 2007.

"That shirt is so last year."

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

"We're always excited to hear from analysts who are bullish on the market."

Final words on gravestones.

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

"What are you doing?"

Giraffe Selfie

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

"I suppose you're all wondering why I called this meeting today."

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.