Tree Swingers Gifts

"First I alienated the apes who'd raised me. Then there was a lot of turmoil with the colonials pulling out. Now Jane and me are semi-retired and I haven't swing through the trees in ages. Want a drink?"

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

The inhabitants of the jungle get tied up in rush hour traffic.

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

Do you have anything bigger?

"I brought cocoa."

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

"No more swinging from tree to tree! Now I take the bus and I even get a senior discount!"

Stop and Birch

Psychic to Leylandii tree - 'You will reach great heights.'

'Remember, we're planting a tree, not burying a bone.'

The Amateur Golfer

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

'The water hazard holds little fear for Jesus.'

"You'll get your sandbox back as soon as Daddy has practiced a few bunker shots!"

'Can you pass me the saw-dust when you're finished with it Darling?'

Tree Squirrel

Thursday is the new Friday

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

Ozone layer claims another victim.

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

"You had too many characters in your last tweet."

'I heard it through the grapevine.'

"My mum's favourite recipes are: birch with mayonnaise, oak with tomato sauce, hazel with Dijon mustard, beech with salt and pepper and pine with soy sauce..."

Swinging through the jungle.

Camouflage Unit

"So....are we, like, dating now? Or what?"

No tree hugging.

"The best laid plans of mice and men... differ materially in their objectives."

Welcome to Kew Gardens

'Yes, this is the most direct offsetting of carbon emissions I've seen.'

Dog excited watching a new tree being planted

"Sorry, we only do cats in trees."