Tree-hugging Humorist Gifts

"Should anyone present think Dan’s tree-hugging has gone off the rails, speak now or forever hold your peace."

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

Who should be the next eco-club president? The most vegan? The most carbon neutral? The most into solar? Eco-club. But we need someone who will attract kids to the environmental cause. Then it's obvious. The most popular. Or most athletic!

'My goodness,Ralph,let him have it.It's only a measly old meal worm.'

'New Age Dog Park' Dogs commune with Nature.

'I mean...'

Tree Mobsters. 'I didn't hear anything. Did you hear anything?' 'I didn't hear anything.'

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

"Why do people talk about a rat's nest like it's a bad thing?"

The Sensitive Dude.

"I touched another squirrel's nuts. Any other questions?"

"You have a good lie."

'Our newest board member wants a ban on animal testing except for rodents.'

'Was this eye of newt locally sourced?'

Clown watering his flowers.

Ernie got up on the wrong side of the garden bed again.

Deflating Island

Customers seek Alyssum in Garden Centre.

Fake ecologist

Tree Tunnel

Despite everyone's best efforts, the peace talks quickly broke down.

Ice Age.

Wilkins refused to sink to their level.

"It started as a little harmless tree-hugging and sort of grew from there."

Native trees of lexington avenue

"I always carry a spare of trousers. Just in case I get a hole in one."

Tree surgery.

Clowns tending lawn.

"I'm okay with channel three storm team and channel four early warning team, but channel five global warming team scares."

You pines should get rid of the needles --- those things are ridiculous! You're still wearing all green --- nobody with any style wears all green in autumn! My colors are their peak! People come from miles around to see me! My limbs are bare, but it the spring I'll get a new wardrobe, and you'll be wearing the same old thin! That guy "leaves" but he never goes away! (Published originally on October 16, 2011.)

Antacid rain

Stone Crop

'We all got up here, you'd think one of us would know how to get down.'

'We can't wait to get into a bed with you lot!'

'I don't have the heart to tell him we bought the farm and coming to take the signs down.'