Traveling Epicure T-Shirts

'I'll leave it entirely to you...as long as it's a red...for exactly $20...from Napa...made from Merlot...2006 vintage...'

The wonderful world of cheese.

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

To do before Saturday...

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Wendy likes horses...and she is a keen cook.

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Holiday Supplies

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."

"You arrived as bottom-feeders, but you shall leave as bottom-gourmands."

"It was a really romantic dinner. I cried when he gave me roses. We had lobster and wine. He cried when we got the bill."

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

Michel Roux Jr

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

"You may not know this, but I've become quite the wine expert."

"Honey, quick – the demi-glace is about to simmer – pass me a shot of Don Julio 1942 tequila!"

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

"It's the Chef Surprise."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

'If I have but one life to live, Pierre, it's going to be a gastric life.'

"I see you've finished your meal, sir. Can I get you anything else?... Coffee? Brandy? A doctor?"

'On your way back from the Holy Land, can you stop at Paris and pick up some creme brulee?'

"Well, I don't care if it is some kind of fancy-schmancy restaurant...if I want ketchup, I'm gonna get ketchup!"

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

Nick's Greek Restaurant: Special - Nick's own translation of the Odyssey

'Good thing the recipe doesn't call for two tablespoons of port, we'd need a second cart.'

'The bill is part of the chef's surprise, sir.'

"Bob, no! You don't drown in white wine with steak!"

Survival of the Foodiest

"Wow - good job!"

'Does this restaurant allow substitutions?'

"Not just a wheel, Trog, but a wheel of aged Parmigiano Reggiano!"