Traveling Epicure T-Shirts

'I'll leave it entirely to you...as long as it's a red...for exactly $20...from Napa...made from Merlot...2006 vintage...'

The wonderful world of cheese.

To do before Saturday...

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Wendy likes horses...and she is a keen cook.

Holiday Supplies

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."

"You arrived as bottom-feeders, but you shall leave as bottom-gourmands."

"It was a really romantic dinner. I cried when he gave me roses. We had lobster and wine. He cried when we got the bill."

"It's the Chef Surprise."

"You may not know this, but I've become quite the wine expert."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

Paul Bocuse caricature

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

"Honey, quick – the demi-glace is about to simmer – pass me a shot of Don Julio 1942 tequila!"

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

Michel Roux Jr

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

Anthony Bourdain with Chopsticks

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

'If I have but one life to live, Pierre, it's going to be a gastric life.'

"I see you've finished your meal, sir. Can I get you anything else?... Coffee? Brandy? A doctor?"

'On your way back from the Holy Land, can you stop at Paris and pick up some creme brulee?'

"Well, I don't care if it is some kind of fancy-schmancy restaurant...if I want ketchup, I'm gonna get ketchup!"

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

"Bob, no! You don't drown in white wine with steak!"

'The bill is part of the chef's surprise, sir.'

'Good thing the recipe doesn't call for two tablespoons of port, we'd need a second cart.'

Nick's Greek Restaurant: Special - Nick's own translation of the Odyssey

Survival of the Foodiest

'Does this restaurant allow substitutions?'

"Wow - good job!"