Humor-loving Epicure T-Shirts

"Excuse me for a moment. I have to go and refinance this dinner bill."

The wonderful world of cheese.

To do before Saturday...

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

Wendy likes horses...and she is a keen cook.

"Call this cordon bleu?"

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

"You may not know this, but I've become quite the wine expert."

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

"It's the Chef Surprise."

'This Beef Wellington is as tough as old boots.'

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

"I ain't particular, but are you sure a '71 claret is the right choice for these here beans?"

A single man can be seen through the front window of the "ME Only Restaurant".

"Well, I don't care if it is some kind of fancy-schmancy restaurant...if I want ketchup, I'm gonna get ketchup!"

Nick's Greek Restaurant: Special - Nick's own translation of the Odyssey

Survival of the Foodiest

'My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork.'

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

'Does this restaurant allow substitutions?'

You complimented the chef on his dumplings-now he wishes to return the compliments!

'I'll leave it entirely to you...as long as it's a red...for exactly $20...from Napa...made from Merlot...2006 vintage...'

No Flash Photography of Meals

"Not just a wheel, Trog, but a wheel of aged Parmigiano Reggiano!"

"Best served at street temperature, delicious served with dustbin chipsor gutter squashed, half eaten kebab..."

"We have an excellent shooting range..."

Family 'Bored' Games

Treat at the Colinderies.

"I'm looking for a red with a fruity bouquet, lightly peppery on the palate, and will get me smashed in under 3 glasses."

"I'm so hungry , I could eat a man." Alison's appetite was legendary.