Tranquilizer Titans Pillows

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

"He likes it."

We're halfway through teaching her to roll over.

'But you said to clean my room.'

The household cavalry

"You get back here this minute, young man! You're not going anywhere until you clean your room!"

Gary Basks in the glow of a fifteen-minute window with no empty cardboard boxes in the house.

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

'This is Tyler; he's mommy's precious little feral-angel.'

"Billy's room gets cleaned for free! The cleaning service uses it to train employees how to clean a hazardous waste dump."

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

'None of the other things had instructions.'

Football.

Zenboni

Socially responsible kid throws rubbish in the bin.

Cleaning Lockers.

'Does it come on Disc?'

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.

'Now, you'd better pick up your toys or no bath!'

"I only live for 24 hours, so I need a temp job that pays big bugs."

Stop the big guy!

'Uh-oh ... Manning got hit hard, and he's not getting up.'

'Sorry about the blindfolds girls, but I haven't had time to tidy up.'

'Quick! sell me a lure,any lure,I just found an empty compartment in my tackle box.'

Plato seeking platonic love on Tinder

"And this was before you plumped the cushions, or after?"

Kevin was very houseproud and it showed.

"Are you really sure we're supposed to give points for sound?"

'Let's get ready for daycare!!'

"Don't get your hopes up, Buster."

Please pick up after your kid