Technological Tranquillizer Pillows

"In memory of the departed, for two minutes, we will keep our phones on silent."

American Idle.

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"Remember you told me to put my client list on my computer."

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

10 Commandments if God was a Woman...

No Instruments Please

'He's a media consultant. He came with the multimedia software package.'

"Lost drone! Reward! Goes by the name of 'Phantom 3'."

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

"I don’t see how confirming who I like best will help this situation."

I think these suits have feet in them so we won't leave prints

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

"I replaced my G.P.S with auto correct, and every time I try to go right, it makes me go write...."

Rower Bobby Pearce stops mid-race to let some ducks cross his path safely

"I've got a lap dog and a laptop cat."

'But I feel quite healthy.'

"Have you ever tried buying lots of stuff?"

"You'll be on the road most days, but when you do come in, this will be your docking station."

"I haven't seen you look at your me-phone for five whole minutes. What gives?"

"Hello? IT support? I think my hard drive is fragmented."

"Yep. Looks like I'm pregnant again."

Next Year's Postal Service Marketing Campaign.

"It's no use. I came here to get away from it all."

I'm practicing for retirement - one hour every day.

"The president wants me to stay on as unemployed."

Computer Time Bomb.

'On','Off', and 'Maybe' switches.

"My koan is to comprehend the sound of one hand clapping."

Betsy's not too happy with Ralph's new turbo milker.

'Mommy!'

"All my devices are in there fighting over dominance again. I'm waiting out here until they're finished. It gets on my nerves."

"Didn't I tell you to limber up before you started channel surfing?"