Temporary Titans Pillows

"I only live for 24 hours, so I need a temp job that pays big bugs."

"He likes it."

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

We're halfway through teaching her to roll over.

"You get back here this minute, young man! You're not going anywhere until you clean your room!"

'But you said to clean my room.'

The household cavalry

Gary Basks in the glow of a fifteen-minute window with no empty cardboard boxes in the house.

"Billy's room gets cleaned for free! The cleaning service uses it to train employees how to clean a hazardous waste dump."

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"You're darned RIGHT it's a serious problem! Sales people, like goldfish, grow to fit their tanks! He's got to be transferred to a bigger territory, PRONTO!"

'The boss just chewed me up and spit me out...'

Cleaning Lockers.

'Now, you'd better pick up your toys or no bath!'

Behold The Horror Of... The Ringing Landline

'Do you, Tenured, take this, Untenured, through sickness and health, to have and to hold from this day forward?'

'Sorry about the blindfolds girls, but I haven't had time to tidy up.'

Kevin was very houseproud and it showed.

"And this was before you plumped the cushions, or after?"

'Let's get ready for daycare!!'

Please pick up after your kid

'My first one is obvious making it illegal to ever question me...In that case, it'll be the right for everyone to never question me! Good catch, daddy. Thanks...'

'I value order above all.'

Minimalist Japanese junk shop

"I was hoping to retire at 60 - but I have to wait until 65 if I want to finish this latest survey."

"Hello, this is Bill Gates. Remember, nobody has a monopoly on safety, so buckle up!"

"Those are my books on tidying up."

"You need some low-impact exercise. I suggest deleting all the spam I get as it comes in for the next month."

"He likes to do it for the Yale-Harvard game."