Teeth Titans Pillows

'5 teeth or less.' supermarket checkout

"He likes it."

"Open wide please! So I can get my hand out!"

We're halfway through teaching her to roll over.

"Getting the ball in the hole on the first swing is good isn't it?"

'But you said to clean my room.'

'Hey dude, just got the SMS of the Wild...'

'The boss just chewed me up and spit me out...'

Bedtime Of The Gods

"I only live for 24 hours, so I need a temp job that pays big bugs."

Old man plays golf, supported by his caddy and paramedic.

' ... plus you need to floss better.'

There Are More Things To Life Than Golf...But I Ignore Them. There are more things to life than golf...but I ignore them.

'Do you, Tenured, take this, Untenured, through sickness and health, to have and to hold from this day forward?'

Plato seeking platonic love on Tinder

Text in a bottle

'Let's get ready for daycare!!'

"Don't get your hopes up, Buster."

"Sharpen my teeth! I'm a linebacker!"

"Hello, this is Bill Gates. Remember, nobody has a monopoly on safety, so buckle up!"

'Big tissue?'

"Since you tithed from the 'net' and not the 'gross', you're going to Hog Heaven instead."

"He likes to do it for the Yale-Harvard game."

"You need some low-impact exercise. I suggest deleting all the spam I get as it comes in for the next month."

Hospital Stores - "We'll have to clear out stores more often, I've just found this machine for 'ye casting out of devils'."

"Sending a text wishing me happy anniversary is not very romantic! . . . Especially on my birthday!"

'I don't think you've officially entered the computer age until you actually click send.'

"See, Jimmy? If they give a big tax cut to the wealthy, those guys'll feel good and have us come fix their roof and stuff."

"The fine print? Privacy Policy and Terms of Use."

"Judging tech giants is a bit beyond my pay grade."

Hoard

"I love texting our kids and grandchildren since I've always been a lousy speller."

Dentist.

Trust me. At 800 lumens, they're bright enough.