Trainee Pilot Gifts

'Not only is this the shortest runway I've ever seen it's also the widest!'

ACME skywriting school

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

'Dad, may I use the plane tonight?'

'Oh don't mind him - he's just a great big teddy bear.'

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

"You know, son, you're not going to get anywhere just gliding around all the time!"

Red Arrows Rookies

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

"Nice landing, Captain Crunch."

"While your lesson plans were perfect, and your bulletin boards were terrific...your classroom management skills need work!"

Manager reading The Little Trainee That Could: 'I think I can, I think I can...'

'We better get him out of there! His heart rate and blood pressure are nearing last minute wine-shopper levels!'

More jets.

'So let this be a lesson to you Courtney, 'there's no people like showpeople!''

Fast Track

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

'Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs!'

'Virtual patient.'

"You know how it goes: Those who can, do, those who can't, teach..."

STRIP Hambone: Training wheels on a computer

Angel learning to fly...

Flying 101: Keep landings equal to take offs.

'That's New.'

'Would you mind holding my hand Jim? The truth is, I'm deathly afraid of flying.'

'He still hasn't got the hang of it.'

Try Bob's Flight School

"Oh, don't worry. Typical beginner's mistake."

A bunch of penguins look on as one penguin hang glides above them.

'Yeah, I've got the new guy working on table wines. He seems to be getting the hang of it.'

The phrase "pushing the envelop" came into common usage after Tom Wolfe used it in his book "The Right Stuff." We was describing test pilots with exceptional courage who were expanding the limits of flight. Ernie wants to become a test pilot and people ask me if he has the right stuff. Unfortunately, his level of courage can best be described by saying ... Ernie is unable to push the envelope because he's terrified of getting a paper-cut!

Do as many study days as you can

"Trainee Baristas Queue Here"

'Our clientele is middle class; you know, your average Joe-750ml.'

"But the good news is that if you get a life threatening illness...then you'd get a decent payout."