Trailer Park Philosopher Gifts

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda

"I'm bored."

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

"So, what do you do for play?"

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

"Recess does things to a man."

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

Winter Weather.

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

"I'm doing whatever I feel like doing, before I reach the age of accountability."

"If I were a surgeon, Mr. Ferguson, which I ain't, and your car was my patient, which it ain't—except that it is, in a funny sort of way; that is, if you want to look at it like that; you know what I mean—and you was her husband, I'd have to say, 'Sir, your wife is going to need a valve job.,"

'Play post office? -- I don't like violent games.'

'Don't let them know you're a prodigy. If they find out, they'll take away your teddy bear.'

"Do you think the birds like me?"

"Have your parents sign this waiver concerning violations of personal space. . . then you guys can play tag."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Future Tents

"Maths is easy because it's so logical. 2 + 2 obviously equals 22."

'They're relics of the many ancient civilization that have dwelled at Blisshaven.'

"Tracks of black bear cub... Tracks of black bear mother... Tracks of Henry David Thoreau."

"Ok, so I go back and forth… Then what?"

"It turns out I just wasted the whole morning networking with a dog."

'You put it down for five seconds. I get it now.'

"I'll wear any kind of dirt, but I prefer a rich loam with lots of humus."

'By George, this one I think I'm going to like!'

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!!"

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

'I'm not making a mess, Mom -- I'm becoming one with the Earth!'

The Farmer Sutra.

"What they lose on the swings we gain on the roundabouts."

"I love the way it blurs the boundary between inside and out."