Playground Philosopher Gifts

"Some bloke wants to know if we've carried out a thorough risk assessment?"

'Your dad might be stronger, but my dad's smarter.'

Newton's Cradle

'Have a good day, sweetie. Mommy has to go to the office now and attempt to drive a stake through the heart of her competitors.'

'With Jesse Caldwell's family moving out of town, I've been promoted in the playground pecking order.'

'Well, I don't know if it's the greatest. But it's definitely one of the greatest seesaw battles I've ever witnessed.'

"By the time I develop a true understanding of sand, I'll probably be forced into some sort of organized sports."

"Maths is easy because it's so logical. 2 + 2 obviously equals 22."

"Let's do snack."

"Oh dear Lord no! There had to have been another way!"

"What they lose on the swings we gain on the roundabouts."

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

"I'm doing whatever I feel like doing, before I reach the age of accountability."

'Are you the opposite sex, or am I?'

This Area Reserved For Older Dads With Tiny Tots

As a child Neil Armstrong watches a game of hopscotch.. "that's one small.."

"I'm bored."

"I'll wear any kind of dirt, but I prefer a rich loam with lots of humus."

'I don't have to go to school. My mom teachers me.'

'Max, the rubber band gun is an outside toy...and you can't shoot it at people.'

"Edward, if you don't mind, this is very serious."

"OK, I'll play outside, but what do I do when I get out of Wi-Fi range?"

"Word around school is you've been attributing Shakespeare's works to Edward de Vere."

"Have your parents sign this waiver concerning violations of personal space...then you guys can play tag."

"If you want soil moved around, I say why wait for erosion."

"This will help you make unbiased decisions, AND stay cootie-free."

"My Dad misses more child support payments than your's"

'I can't date a man who calls a see-saw a teeter-totter.'

Don't do it, kid. Think. Think.

James couldn't figure out why Superman never got teased.

'Son, let's talk.'

'Don't let them know you're a prodigy. If they find out, they'll take away your teddy bear.'

'Maybe my dad can't whip your dad, but he's very litigious!'

'You think it's easy being the dumbest kid in the class?'