Traffic Rule Bender Pillows

"What's wrong, officer? I didn't violate the car pool lane rules."

'Isn't that a little extreme? - Cloning yourself just so you can use the carpool lane?'

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'Hey! Hey! You need a trout stamp! Where's your trout stamp?!'

Alternative fielding positions

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

'If mum's not around, amber means...pedal to the metal, baby!'

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

'Hold it Billy - There are no praying mantises in school.'

"I warned you about putting funny stuff on the ball, Flanagan."

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

'Great! Now we're getting pulled over! I TOLD you that was a lint trap back there, but did you listen? Noooo!'

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

"I'd like to give you a break, but we did have you doing a hundred and eighty-six thousand miles a second on the radar."

'What? I'm behind the barriers, aren't I?'

Bureau of the Budget. If we serve alphabet soup, we can count it as a lunch program and a literacy program!

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

'This isn't a good time. I'm in trouble with the Dean for using my cell phone in class. I'll call you back.'

Fun on the pyramids

'But, I'm not fishing. I'm just teaching my pet maggot how to swim.'

'Where in the rules does it say I can't keep a mascot in the goals?'

'Can't you read?'

'Never shoot straight up.'

'My ambition is to discover the Great American Loophole.'

'I said you could have ONE cookie!' 'I know. I took two HALF moon cookies...'

"I'm afraid he's right-there's nothing in here about slobber balls."

'Don't look at me like that! I know it's a banned substance, OK? But how can I compete if I'm the only one in the league not using spinach?!'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

A riderless police bike pulls over a driverless car, now what. . .?

Pray it Don't Spry it.