School Rule Bender Pillows

'This isn't a good time. I'm in trouble with the Dean for using my cell phone in class. I'll call you back.'

'You have to stay after school because you got caught in the hall without a pass? But you're homeschooled!'

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'Hey! Hey! You need a trout stamp! Where's your trout stamp?!'

Alternative fielding positions

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

'Hold it Billy - There are no praying mantises in school.'

"I warned you about putting funny stuff on the ball, Flanagan."

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

'Well if you're sick of seeing me here, and I'm sick of coming in here,let's call a truce!'

'Great! Now we're getting pulled over! I TOLD you that was a lint trap back there, but did you listen? Noooo!'

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

'What? I'm behind the barriers, aren't I?'

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

Bureau of the Budget. If we serve alphabet soup, we can count it as a lunch program and a literacy program!

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

'I know it's difficult to stay in compliance, with everything, Ferguson, but this is ridiculous!'

Fun on the pyramids

'But, I'm not fishing. I'm just teaching my pet maggot how to swim.'

'Never shoot straight up.'

'Where in the rules does it say I can't keep a mascot in the goals?'

'When you grounded me to my room, you said no TV or computer. You never said I couldn't build my own bike.'

'My ambition is to discover the Great American Loophole.'

'What did I learn in school today? You can't chew gum in class even if you brought a pack for the teacher.'

'I said you could have ONE cookie!' 'I know. I took two HALF moon cookies...'

"I'm not fishing, I'm hunting."

"I'm afraid he's right-there's nothing in here about slobber balls."

'Don't look at me like that! I know it's a banned substance, OK? But how can I compete if I'm the only one in the league not using spinach?!'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

"The bad news is my doctor limited me to one glass of wine per day. The good news is I get to pick the glass."