Tractor Humorist Gifts

"Don't get me wrong I think these new GPS systems will revolutionise ploughing."

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'You wanted a tractor intead of a wedding car, and our dogs as bridesmaids... so why shouldn't I have one of my cows as best man?'

'Where's my horse?'

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

'Your car should run fine now. I reformatted the hard drive, increased the ram, scanned for viruses, updated the firmware, upgraded to this year's processor...'

A Semicolon.

"I'm sorry I really can't take you seriously."

'I know you like your stallions tall Mary, but a clydesdale?'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

The New Yorker Book of Cartoons that No One Can Understand

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

"I love the way it blurs the boundary between inside and out."

"I'd love to help but at the moment I'm saddled with this enormous mortgage."

Straddling bus stop above a regular bus stop.

Airbus

'But this IS my mobile home!'

'He thinks he's so hot but, personally, I'd rather be artificially inseminated.'

"I dumped my stable companion, he was seeing another pony!"

No Hand Signals

Lucky car.

'You sound like a bunch of cats! The growl has to be deeper and the barks crisper. Okay, let's take it again from the first howl.'

Oat Cuisine in Horse's Nosebag

And balance with practice.

Horse selling second hand shoes as lucky charms.

'My mother was a race horse. My father was a stablehand who got five years for sodomy.'

Scary Scarecrow

The Rarely Seen Gas-Powered Eel

"Usually, I give a free estimate, but for lawyers, I charge a consultation fee."

"Ask me about my long face."

Don't look a Gift Horse in the Mouth