Tractor Collecting T-Shirts

"I still use horses to plow my fields."

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

The aliens froze, gripped by a primal fear. This time there would be no abduction.

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

'A cousin to the hammerhead, here we see the allusive, yet, handy, multi-use shark.'

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

"He loves his leaf blower."

'Why Sally, you look so fetching with that stick!'

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

'It seats two comfortably.'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"Hey, I just consider myself very fortunate to be getting paid for something I'd be doing anyway."

"Hey! Plants are on sale again! Woo-hoo!"

'I'm a do-it-yourselfer, but I've never been a done-it-yourselfer...'

'Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know the drill.'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

Farmers' Warnings.

Al's Farm Equipment: Our Prices Can't Be Beat!

'You know, there's no need to reinvent the rock.'

Tractor Racing

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'Put your tools away. We can't afford to pay any more tradesmen to fix another of your botched DIY projects.'

'This'll save a couple of journeys!'

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

'Now you know where you left your tools.'

'Where do you keep the elbow grease?'

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."