Trackside Storyteller Gifts

I can sum up the performance of my horse in one word...Last!

'What zip code are we in now?'

'Hold on, I'll get the camera.'

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

Cash Machines From Across the Land

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

"I run around this high school track every morning."

Airplane food

"By God, Man! Yes!! This is the stuff we're looking for!"

'Mom! Do they have traffic lights and stop signs in the sky?'

Runner going through hurdles.

Face it, Bob, we're lost. Welcome to Faceitbobwe'relost pop. 2.

"During our vacation my wife and I went to Paris while our suitcases went to Rome and Athens."

When the Job Market Shifts, Always Remember That It's All Your Fault

'I hate running in the outside lane.'

Pavement Artist

'He's known as the hardest-driving track coach in the country.'

T-Rex Racing: A Short-Lived Sport

A Salmon Lie

"This next song is about a trip to Vermont. It's called 'This is the whitest state I've ever seen—wow!'"

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

'Can you tell me where James Herriot lives?'

Securing a Magnificent Salmon.

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

'The blooming thing took a wrong turn off the course.'

"If you look at Lexington Avenue, it is anyone's guess what's happening on the 6 train. Moving on to Broadway, I can tell you that the N and R Lines may or may not be running smoothly, while the Eighth Avenue A and C are, as always, a complete mystery."

Man around campfire Title: 'Ed is a fisherman who never lies. He tells all his stories sitting up.'

"A man and his choo-choo."

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

"Who wants to go first?"

"Excuse me... I think you're in my seat."

'...so then I said 'your camera is stealing my soul' and he said 'I'm so sorry - how can I possibly repay you?''

Pit Stop for Track and Field