Town Hall Survivor Gifts

"Your heart won't tolerate any more town-hall meetings."

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

'I'm afraid the cuts are beginning to bite!'

What price beauty?

'As meetings go that was one of my better ones!'

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"People of Earth – can everyone see my screen?"

'And in conclusion.'

"Pardon us, Harrison, if the board fails to share your enthusiasm for the foliage up in Darien,"

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

'I take it the Change Seminar stripped you down to your vulnerabilities.'

"Will this job involve multiple choice, true and false, or essay questions?"

'Well, the Brain Trust had no answers. Call in the Blame Trust!'

"Please fill out these forms. We don't need them for anything, but you're making me nervous staring at your watch."

The Coordination Committee meets. . .

"I'm totally prepared for this meeting. In fact I spent the entire morning working on my 'it's not my fault' face."

"A High-Pain Job? Yes, I believe we have that."

"Can you characterize yourself in five words."

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

"The originator of the office birthday party."

"Where do you see yourself after 5 beers?"

The only way I can get through a nudist convention.

'And if none of those work, it brings us to Plan Z...'

The Collective Unconscious

I have an opening for someone like you. It's called a door.

Let's talk about the weather.

"For all the years I've worked here you've had it in for me...so will you get off my case."

Why are you here?

Dadonomics

"So where do you see yourself in 5 years apart from a thousand miles from this f****** s**thole?"

A teacher walks into a classroom full of chatting students; once he starts to talk the students fall asleep.

Privacy Forum

'Are you nodding in agreement, or falling asleep?'