Town Hall Survivor Gifts

"Your heart won't tolerate any more town-hall meetings."

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

'I'm afraid the cuts are beginning to bite!'

What price beauty?

'As meetings go that was one of my better ones!'

Tonight: Town Hall Meeting. With free speech, sometimes I think that you get what you pay for!

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"People of Earth – can everyone see my screen?"

'And in conclusion.'

"Pardon us, Harrison, if the board fails to share your enthusiasm for the foliage up in Darien,"

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

'I take it the Change Seminar stripped you down to your vulnerabilities.'

"Will this job involve multiple choice, true and false, or essay questions?"

"Please fill out these forms. We don't need them for anything, but you're making me nervous staring at your watch."

'Well, the Brain Trust had no answers. Call in the Blame Trust!'

"I'm totally prepared for this meeting. In fact I spent the entire morning working on my 'it's not my fault' face."

The Coordination Committee meets. . .

The only way I can get through a nudist convention.

"Can you characterize yourself in five words."

"A High-Pain Job? Yes, I believe we have that."

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

"The originator of the office birthday party."

"Where do you see yourself after 5 beers?"

'And if none of those work, it brings us to Plan Z...'

I have an opening for someone like you. It's called a door.

The Collective Unconscious

Why are you here?

"So where do you see yourself in 5 years apart from a thousand miles from this f****** s**thole?"

Dadonomics

Republicans have me feeling reflective about capitalism, in a good way. Uh, oh. You've been with the company 20 years. I appreciate that kind of loyalty. I just want you to know that. Thanks. It also makes me realize that you have few other job options and thus are more or less subject to my whims regarding pay and benefits. Okay, pep talk over. Enjoy your day. Hang on, I could maybe possibly get a job at Coffee King!

"For all the years I've worked here you've had it in for me...so will you get off my case."

Let's talk about the weather.

A teacher walks into a classroom full of chatting students; once he starts to talk the students fall asleep.

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