Tourist Irony Enthusiast Pillows

"I want to explore the brutal and true civilisation, to explore lands on troubled by tourist boards, and if you could sort five-star accommodation and decent Wi-Fi that would be perfect."

Workaholic's Hoilday Appartment

Public footpath on a desert island.

"I said isn't it great to get away from it all."

"Sure, it's 'beautiful,' Ray, but where are the outlet stores?!"

"Thank god we're out of the city."

'I keep telling myself that this is better than a crowded beach in Spain...'

Squirrel chopping wooden leg of lumberjack.

'And remember: just hold up this little green paper, and they will do whatever you want.'

"A large donation usually calms him down."

"The whole thing's much smaller than it seemed on TV."

Death Takes A Time-Share

"I learned how to pack small. I bought Brad a big suitcase."

"Actually, take us to your gift shop first."

Tourist is told to go home by a monument

Woman painting a man drowning.

"We'll see you soon, kids! Your mother and I have won a romantic cruise for two on some man's huge ark."

'It'll be a working vacation.'

Hiker and the Rodents.

"Fiji wants to protect democracy by not holding elections..."

"You are going on a long journey. You will throw your back out putting your bag in the overhead. You will never recover from jet lag. It will rain every day. You will lose your passport. Your flight home will be cancelled."

'About my accrued holdiay pay...can you mail it to my offshore account?'

"You'll get three meals a day,but they will all be continental breakfast."

"Apparently our hotel is just a stone's throw from the beach..!"

'I know you don't like to travel, but I just want you to run this down the hall.'

'In the event you suffer from Montezuma's Revenge, there's a TV in every bathroom.'

Southwest Hampton

"Without question, you're a big improvement on our last tour rep."

Sign pointing to the beach and in the direction of mobile phones.

"Now I know why those cruise tickets were so cheap!"

'Oh, great! We've been going round in right-angled triangle.'

'Maybe now you'll admit that we're lost!?'

'Now that's what I call a tourist trap.'

'If you want somewhere quiet and without crowds...I recommend Greece.'

'Don't worry. I have no intention of drinking the water.'