Tour Guide Aficionados T-Shirts

'Ooh! On our left are the 'Big Five' - a hippie, a yuppie, a junkie, a fatty and a queen!'

The Vineyard

"Now you've seen the bust how about letting me see Naples?"

'Are we there yet?'

'I thought this was supposed to be a holiday.'

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

"But if you leave New Orleans, you'll be just another sandwich."

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

"Ah...here they are!"

'Are we there yet?'

"If we'd gone South for the winter, we'd be back by now."

"Yes, but this one is made of Chiclets."

"AS a matter of fact, yes, you have told me you vacationed on Earth."

Football Game Tickets. These seats are so far from the field we'll need a passport to get to them!

'Well, they're just like your mom's cookies if your mom is a 35 ton, multi-unit dough extruder.'

What it takes to be a leader.

"Today we can help herd cattle, go on a nature hike, get a sauna and massage, or go into town and rob the bank."

"I know what the airlines charge to check a bag is outrageous, but. . ."

"He keeps touching me!"

'I wouldn't be so concerned if they weren't already sitting in the exit row.'

"Can't fool me, Jake, there's a coach comin' in!"

The segway RV.

'The first act of air rage'

'Quit goofing around Harold, the ferry is going to leave soon.'

"It's a game where we roll the dice to see which destination wedding we should spend our savings on this year."

'The real fun comes when we go through airport security.'

"You overpacked again."

"I couldn't be happier if I were in slop."

For services to Tourism. . .

A Sat Nav that displays toilet stops

This is our great new cruise to the Middle East - 40 days and 40 nights.

"He didn't do squat for cats."

'What makes the Tower of Pisa lean?' 'It never eats.'

Historic and Modern Bath

"I'm a little disappointed that we didn't get any human specimens, but I think our leaders will be quite pleased with the snow globe and the commemorative spoon."