Tour Guide Aficionados Pillows

'Ooh! On our left are the 'Big Five' - a hippie, a yuppie, a junkie, a fatty and a queen!'

The Vineyard

"Now you've seen the bust how about letting me see Naples?"

'Are we there yet?'

"But if you leave New Orleans, you'll be just another sandwich."

'I thought this was supposed to be a holiday.'

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

"Ah...here they are!"

'Are we there yet?'

"If we'd gone South for the winter, we'd be back by now."

"Yes, but this one is made of Chiclets."

"AS a matter of fact, yes, you have told me you vacationed on Earth."

'Well, they're just like your mom's cookies if your mom is a 35 ton, multi-unit dough extruder.'

What it takes to be a leader.

"Today we can help herd cattle, go on a nature hike, get a sauna and massage, or go into town and rob the bank."

"He keeps touching me!"

"Can't fool me, Jake, there's a coach comin' in!"

'I wouldn't be so concerned if they weren't already sitting in the exit row.'

"I know what the airlines charge to check a bag is outrageous, but. . ."

The segway RV.

'The first act of air rage'

'Quit goofing around Harold, the ferry is going to leave soon.'

"It's a game where we roll the dice to see which destination wedding we should spend our savings on this year."

"I'm a little disappointed that we didn't get any human specimens, but I think our leaders will be quite pleased with the snow globe and the commemorative spoon."

This is our great new cruise to the Middle East - 40 days and 40 nights.

"He didn't do squat for cats."

"You overpacked again."

'We'd like to start by boarding anyone with hot food they've been waiting to eat on the plane.'

Historic and Modern Bath

"I couldn't be happier if I were in slop."

For services to Tourism. . .

'What makes the Tower of Pisa lean?' 'It never eats.'

'Last cruise I ever take! Stuck with the same people for three weeks...'

'Empty your pockets and go through again.'