Tour Guide Gifts

Walking Tours of New York

"How much for just the ring?"

My central park

"If I could do only one thing before I died, it would be to swim with a middle-aged couple from Connecticut."

'Excuse me, do these stairs go up or down?'

'What?! Not even one of you wants to see how they're made?'

"You weren't supposed to see this."

'They never quite finished it - it was probably over budget.'

The scenic spot you are now viewing is 100% natural.

"They migrate here each summer."

"It's right here in the brochure: 'Be sure to tip your fishing guide.'"

"And coming up on the right is another area ruined by the likes of you."

"I understand the Everest climb used to be quite a chore."

You are here.

Sign in Lion Enclosure: 'Please Don't Eat the People.'

'Uh, yeah, you go ahead. We'll catch up with the wagon train later.'

'If I could draw your attention to this large crack.'

"It's just one bad review and we all know who wrote it."

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

'Are you ready to experience what no man has ever achieved before?'

You are here sign on wall.

Whale Watch Tours.

'Well, they're just like your mom's cookies if your mom is a 35 ton, multi-unit dough extruder.'

Egyptian bowler.

Soldier in medieval battle says: 'Oi, take it easy! This is an English Heritage site.'

"You've got a piece of eco-tourist or something stuck between your teeth."

Birds talking about package holiday makers - "Amazing how they find there way back every year."

'This civilization collapsed because it abused its environment.'

"It looked a lot bigger in the brochure"

'City map' You are here, but wanted to be over here

'And this is the Arizona Desert, painstakingly reconstructed right in the middle of London.'

'Well if I'm so 'bloody useless' perhaps you'd better read the map!'

Man looking at billboard which says 'You are here'

'Oh man, we are so lost...!'

"It says here that in your last job you did a lot of traveling."