Tour Guide Gifts

Walking Tours of New York

"How much for just the ring?"

My central park

"If I could do only one thing before I died, it would be to swim with a middle-aged couple from Connecticut."

'Excuse me, do these stairs go up or down?'

"You weren't supposed to see this."

'What?! Not even one of you wants to see how they're made?'

'They never quite finished it - it was probably over budget.'

The scenic spot you are now viewing is 100% natural.

Sign in Lion Enclosure: 'Please Don't Eat the People.'

"And coming up on the right is another area ruined by the likes of you."

You are here.

"They migrate here each summer."

"I understand the Everest climb used to be quite a chore."

"It's right here in the brochure: 'Be sure to tip your fishing guide.'"

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

'Uh, yeah, you go ahead. We'll catch up with the wagon train later.'

'Are you ready to experience what no man has ever achieved before?'

Whale Watch Tours.

'Well, they're just like your mom's cookies if your mom is a 35 ton, multi-unit dough extruder.'

You are here sign on wall.

'This civilization collapsed because it abused its environment.'

Birds talking about package holiday makers - "Amazing how they find there way back every year."

'City map' You are here, but wanted to be over here

"It looked a lot bigger in the brochure"

"You've got a piece of eco-tourist or something stuck between your teeth."

Egyptian bowler.

'I think it's one of those guided tours.'

"It says here that in your last job you did a lot of traveling."

Carl's Glass- Bottom Bus Tours

Man looking at billboard which says 'You are here'

'Well if I'm so 'bloody useless' perhaps you'd better read the map!'

"It says here... '...a typically quiet Spanish fishing village'."

"Call yourself a fortune teller? I've never even heard of the Cairo museum!"

''We're getting too far from shore,' I say. 'Trust me, I'm a professional,' he says.'