Tour Groupie T-Shirts

'They think it's Andover - it is Slough!'

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

Theatre Crowd

Dynamite little combo

Liam Gallagher.

"Apparently the Ebola virus can make your ears bleed."

'Your drug test came back positive. Welcome aboard.'

"Yes, but this one is made of Chiclets."

Justice 4 Ron

Robert Schumann

Don't You Dare Stand in the Way of Me Standing in My Own Way

'Could you guys play a slow number so my gal and I can dance?'

'Well, they're just like your mom's cookies if your mom is a 35 ton, multi-unit dough extruder.'

'I have Tourette's, and they play backup.'

'We've had an application from No.10 Downing Street. . . they need to extend their cabinet room.'

"If they shorten political campaigns, what will we do for entertainment?"

Nick Cave.

ABBA

Gondola safety life jacket demonstration.

"I don't have a good ear. I should really invest in an air guitar tuner."

'What I really want, Santa, is a front row seat for the Olympic Beach Volleyball games.'

"In the Game of Life, my son, the fix is in."

Artwork in a gallery still has wet paint.

"You're dragging the beat."

'Don't worry - I've found The Cure.'

Mt. Moriah Church Senior Citizens

"Yes I know Dear. Tiger Woods is playing here today!"

"I'd like a table near the band please."

Victoria Beckham

Eric Clapton

"I have two children by a previous tour."

Team Bass

"I'm dating a professional goalkeeper..."

"Actually I'm a 'Roadie' for Dalton, Edwards, Bell, Cosgrove and Stoddard."

"So how does that eightfold path get us back on the Garden State?"