Tour De Tough Gifts

"They're padded shorts: yes, your butt looks big."

'Are you sure that's the right map?'

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"First aid box, puncture repair kit, mobile phone, energy bars and plenty of liquids; I think that's all eventualities covered..."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

Knight in shining Lycra!

Bradley Wiggins

'And, at those prices, we have two wheel well seats available.'

"Yes, but this one is made of Chiclets."

'I think we have some stowaways.'

Man biking with an enormous amount of things on his back.

That private little woodland walk you used to love now with a: Visitors' Experience Centre!

'What?! Not even one of you wants to see how they're made?'

'Well, they're just like your mom's cookies if your mom is a 35 ton, multi-unit dough extruder.'

"Now we're leaving the hall of stuff we stole from other cultures and entering the hall of stuff we paid too much for."

'The yeast cells are flocculating? - I don't think the kids are ready for that.'

Michel Roux Jr

'And here on our left you see the sugary cereal aisle...a real crowd pleaser!'

Let's see...number 61...the painting's name is 'Calamity'.

Whale Watch Tours.

"You'd think over the years one or two of them would catch on."

"Howard's gone on the Tour de France without his bicycle again."

"The years 1966 through 1995 are blank because I was on tour with the Grateful Dead."

'This is the last goodwill tour I do!'

Tour de France champ Hendrik 'Joop' Zoetemelk

La Tour 2007.

Parents compare buggies

Tour de Pothole.

Winery tours.

"It's an audio guide, sweetheart, not a remote."

Tour de Lance Over. Next year the To de France returns!

'To be honest, Fred, the tour was so fast that I won't know exactly where we went until the credit card bill arrives.'

"I have two children by a previous tour."

Tour de France champ Henri Pélissier

"The contractor that built this house used to be a shoemaker."