Tough Yet Tender Gifts

"Killer, we gotta talk!"

Very Difficult Conversations

Dr. Frankenstein makes the battery hen

'Well it's about time! My belly needs scratching.'

"Don't mess with that guy. He's a real hardwood."

"This ride is for parents and their kids."

'I hate chick flicks!' 'Sniff...me too...'

'Your heart is slightly larger but that's because you're an animal lover.'

'I just got off the phone with my long-time writing partner who's bringing over my deathbed confessional masterpiece. In the meantime, who's up for some idle chit-chat? How about all this rain we've been getting, huh?!"

"Some people call me a ball-buster, but I prefer cojones-crusher."

"It's been a tough season, and you tried your hardest, son. But you're being traded."

"You haven’t earned this."

Emotional sabotage animals.

Cutting onions

'Regardez - even le grand Escoffier cries quand il slices les onions.'

"I am Baldonator, the meanest fighter around! No one dares mess with me."

'You're supposed to be facing the corner, Junior.'

"These feet are fine. You have at least a couple of route marches left in them."

Died After A Brave Battle With Everything

"I know you think I'm tough on you now, son. But you'il be much better prepared for life when I disinherit you."

"Maybe I'm too big to fail, but I'm not too big to have my feelings hurt."

"I think boot camp would be much cheaper than a gym membership."

'That dog won't hunt.' Bird dog in a pink tutu.

'Denis was considered something of a 'Hard Man' within the amputee society.'

Hell's Kitties

'Son, I want you to be successful and able to survive in this tough world. That's why I'm feeding you with raw meat.'

Sickbed

"Now, about your room." "Aw, mom." "Don't 'aw mom' me. A clean and orderly room promotes discipline." "But ..." "But nothing. Believe me, you'll thank me later. And another thing ..."

Someday you'll thank me for not carrying you upstream.

'I don't NEED a warrant!'

Keep it simple.

Workmen eat steel beams at lunch hour.

"If you tell a lie mummy won't love you anymore

Would you please stop saying, "It's the journey, not the destination"?

Desk bins: 'You're Breaking My Heart,' 'Oh, Poor Baby,' 'Get OVER it,' 'Tough Beans,' and 'Cry Me a River.'