Touchscreen Skeptic Gifts

Touch screen technology for improved retail experience

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

I.T. Fear

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'

"This new phone app for opening the beer is great, Bruce!"

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"I'd like to see you do this online."

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

'I don't like reading on screen, so I'm printing the internet to look at it later.'

Privacy

Censorship? We Don't Do That Here.

"Fifty years in academia, studying, researching, writing and teaching. And what do they call me? ‘The Human AI’."

We need to see him because there's no satellite-based system to guide us on a trip down the path to enlightenment.

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

Modern Life Blues

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

How Grandma Sees the Remote

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

Big Brother.

Domestic Spying Drones

"Tarzan no want computer."

The anti-social network: 'Hey Jeffrey...I need help setting up my dad's anti-social network.'

"You can't believe everything the Russian bots tell you."

I Value Your Privacy, So I'm Keeping It.