Smartphone Skeptics Gifts

"And don't ever try to use your smartphone during trivia night again!"

Do you sell cell phones just for making calls?

"Do you have one of those phones you can talk to people on?"

"It keeps asking me if I'll accept cookies... I'm not even hungry!"

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

I.T. Fear

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

"This new phone app for opening the beer is great, Bruce!"

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"I'd like to see you do this online."

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

Privacy

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

Modern Life Blues

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

How Grandma Sees the Remote

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

Big Brother.

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

"You can't believe everything the Russian bots tell you."

"Tarzan no want computer."

Diner is served

"Oh, this? It can access every piece of knowledge from the history of mankind and I hate it."

No, you tell him the computer says he's wrong!

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"