Screen Skeptics Gifts

'Touch screen technology sucks.'

Departures. I could never watch TV shows on a handheld device. My mom always said sitting too close to the screen would ruin my eyes.

'All I did was touch the screen here, and it called me a misanthrope.'

'So no animals were harmed in that movie...but how about the audience?!'

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

'I don't like reading on screen, so I'm printing the internet to look at it later.'

"People of Earth – can everyone see my screen?"

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

'No, that doesn't make any difference either, Miss Jones.'

Look! This says that space aliens have landed and have taken over control of the earth. Boy that's a load off my mind!

Bad Influence of TV

"You wanted to miss the Matisse show."

"Dad, can you read?"

"Two directors, three adaptations plus 3-D, and they STILL screw it up!"

Rare Book Store: Telephone Directories

"Smartphone sales" "Degradation of society"

"The news you are about to see is fictitious and is shown merely for its sensational content."

'This is Thompson, he'll be getting your tea department online and working on it's global brand.'

"Please, no more movies about feelings."

"I miss expense accounts."

"It's the only way I can get some of my patience to listen to me!"

"I'm not a fan of biblical movies."

Missing the score on a split-screen TV

"Is there a discount for someone who doesn't want to see the movie?"

"What are you doing?"

'…dial tone…dial tone…dial tone…'

'We'd like to return it. There wasn't any on-screen chemistry between us.'

'Baldo, being on TV requires talent.'

'The doctor from 'daytime television' said I've got gall stones, but I thought I'd better come to you for a second opinion.'

"It means this show has been dumbed down to the level of people who couldn't pour water out of a boot, even if the instructions were printed on the heel."

"We can now tell the rest of the mice that after testing on lab humans, phones can be an addictive time waster."

"Yeah, that's great. Move your head."

"Technology isn't so fancy. When I was a girl, we had something like a 24-hour weather channel, too!"

'The number of people who, like me, don't trust the media anymore is steadily rising...'

Permanent Annoying Logo TV.