Tooth Tamer Pillows

'Excuse me, could you tell me where the nearest dentist is?'

Dentist Training School.

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

Mechanic looking under the hood of a car.

Girl Band, "I wish you'd tell your mum we don't need her in the group!"

'The hair specialist is down the hall.'

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"I don't care how good he is. Ain't nobody can get a short on Jeffrey."

Learn Guitar In 6 Easy Lessons: Add another fifty difficult ones!

"Lovely dovetail."

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

Need an elevated state of mind too!

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

New Swiss Army Knife

Parenting Business Deals

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"I find that my strongest passwords are those created when the cat walks across the keyboard."

"I wish he'd slow the hell down." "I wish he'd hurry the hell up."

'They've been in there all day writing the job description.'

"Slide, Howie!!! Slide!"

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

"Most projects require three hands."

'Miscellaneous' and 'Non-Miscellaneous' trays

Childhood Screen Addict

'I'd like the short form instead...'

"Our driverless smart car texted me saying it went to get an oil change because I was too lazy to do it. Is there a way to disable its rudeness?"

"You goo-goo, you gaa-gaa. But when push comes to shove, you whaa-whaa."

'It's an emergency! The sitter wants to know where Marmaduke's doggie treats are!'

Tax grab.

'Now, you'd better pick up your toys or no bath!'

He collects a wide range of tackle and knows precisely how to use it.

"Now are you convinced that the tax simplification plan will work?"

"I don't care what the job pays. . . I'm never herding cats again!"