Tooth Tamer Gifts

'Excuse me, could you tell me where the nearest dentist is?'

Dentist Training School.

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

Mechanic looking under the hood of a car.

'The hair specialist is down the hall.'

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

Girl Band, "I wish you'd tell your mum we don't need her in the group!"

"I don't care how good he is. Ain't nobody can get a short on Jeffrey."

Learn Guitar In 6 Easy Lessons: Add another fifty difficult ones!

Not you. Your hair.

"Lovely dovetail."

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

(No caption. Signs on file cabinets drawers read, "Files Saved to Hard Drive," "Files Saved to Disk," "Files Saved to Traveldrive," "Trash.")

Need an elevated state of mind too!

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

New Swiss Army Knife

Parenting Business Deals

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"I find that my strongest passwords are those created when the cat walks across the keyboard."

'They've been in there all day writing the job description.'

"I wish he'd slow the hell down." "I wish he'd hurry the hell up."

"Slide, Howie!!! Slide!"

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

Getting the Christmas Tree Home.

"Most projects require three hands."

'I'd like the short form instead...'

'Miscellaneous' and 'Non-Miscellaneous' trays

Childhood Screen Addict

"You goo-goo, you gaa-gaa. But when push comes to shove, you whaa-whaa."

Tax grab.

'It's an emergency! The sitter wants to know where Marmaduke's doggie treats are!'

'Now, you'd better pick up your toys or no bath!'

"Our driverless smart car texted me saying it went to get an oil change because I was too lazy to do it. Is there a way to disable its rudeness?"

Yeah, ok. I'll hold onto the two termites until this is over.

He collects a wide range of tackle and knows precisely how to use it.