Tie Tamer Pillows

"Edgar, you've been retired for three years now. Why don't you loosen your tie?"

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

Mechanic looking under the hood of a car.

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

Girl Band, "I wish you'd tell your mum we don't need her in the group!"

'The hair specialist is down the hall.'

Learn Guitar In 6 Easy Lessons: Add another fifty difficult ones!

Busy office.

Not you. Your hair.

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

(No caption. Signs on file cabinets drawers read, "Files Saved to Hard Drive," "Files Saved to Disk," "Files Saved to Traveldrive," "Trash.")

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

New Swiss Army Knife

Parenting Business Deals

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"I find that my strongest passwords are those created when the cat walks across the keyboard."

Dentist Training School.

'They've been in there all day writing the job description.'

"Most projects require three hands."

"Today, charges that Putin hacked Trump's tweets..."

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

He collects a wide range of tackle and knows precisely how to use it.

"Our driverless smart car texted me saying it went to get an oil change because I was too lazy to do it. Is there a way to disable its rudeness?"

'Now, you'd better pick up your toys or no bath!'

"You goo-goo, you gaa-gaa. But when push comes to shove, you whaa-whaa."

"Does it have a chapter on using the phone to call someone who can do it right?"

Dave had yet to master his new nail machine gun.

"He used to fetch my paper, but now that I read online he's my IT support."

"Mrs. Tibbles, the vet will see you now."

Superhero training.

Man in office smiling in delight as various office equipment dances for him

Menace.

'What do you mean, you were here first?'

'Mary finally solved the blinking clock problem by putting black tape over it.'