Toddlers' Playmate Gifts

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

Swan Fairy Tales

Barks in code.

'Why can't my walks be that fun?'

"They’re baseballs. You throw ’em."

'You caught it, you gut it!'

"I'm seeing some dominance issues."

Boy and his dog

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's having a wardrobe malfunction!'

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

Look at the size of that fork. She must be very hungry!

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

'That's the last time I ask you to tie my shoe laces!'

Dog Sees Only Food

Little girl shows her dog her shiny shoes.

'Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream...'

"No you, he called you a lap dog."

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

'Sorry, sweetie -- they're not that kind of cookies.'

"Broom! Broom!"

"Oh, no, no, no, no! Please, NOOO!"

Master of the Universe meets the sugar plumb fairies

"I warned you about playing at the tar pits."

Prehistoric son going "Baroooom...Barooom!" on dad's stone wheel

"I mean, he does have a point."

'My lawyer will get us out of here. This is a clear breach of human rights.'

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

"Before we start on the main agenda does anybody need money to take them to the tinkle room?"

'Do these come in blue?'