Title Stickler Pillows

'RETIRED CEO? I expressly told them to refer to me as ‘Former Strongman.''

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

TSA Noah

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

"You have no idea what it's like to be a 'just between you and me' person in a 'just between you and I' world."

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

'Where's my glove?'

Camping with Mr. Thorough

I have a new linguistic pet peeve. It's when, instead of just saying something like, "Bob ate a sandwich," people say, "Bob, he ate a sandwich." It drives me absolutely crazy. Speaking as a psychiatrist, that's a short drive, Al.

'Will you stick to the script!!!'

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

Baseball player wearing a face mask.

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

'It was owned by a little old lady. Legally, that's all I can say. She still owns the intellectual property rights to her story.'

Cowboy in Old West boasts of having shot a guy for ending a sentence in a preposition.

Access Assessments

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

"Why does he keep in the same players?"

'The brakes are a bit dodgy, but the very loud horn compensates for that.'

"Whoes jumping? My secretary enforces a strict 'No Smoking' policy"

D.I.Y ladder

How to write

Rare footage of a leopard changing spots.

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

"I ordered my steak rare - and this is well done...!"

"Hold on there buddy, that's not a KJV Bible." (two men talking, one with a Bible)

"Some clean room - there's a fly in my potassium nitrate."

"May I remind the faculty that, in the event of a nuclear strike, atom bombs take a gender-neutral pronoun."

'Wow! I'm trying to fix my glasses with contact solution instead of super glue!'

'Don't you think this school has way too many fire drills?'

"No no no...You can kick the ball into touch, not the opposition!"

"I'm sure it is making work more enjoyable. However, there maybe some liability issues."

''Have you got any cockroaches?"

'No hitting below the belt.'

Health and Safety vs Lawyers.