Boss Stickler Pillows

". . . So what's with bosses these days? It seems like I can never find a good one."

TSA Noah

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

"You have no idea what it's like to be a 'just between you and me' person in a 'just between you and I' world."

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

'Where's my glove?'

Camping with Mr. Thorough

I have a new linguistic pet peeve. It's when, instead of just saying something like, "Bob ate a sandwich," people say, "Bob, he ate a sandwich." It drives me absolutely crazy. Speaking as a psychiatrist, that's a short drive, Al.

'Will you stick to the script!!!'

Baseball player wearing a face mask.

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

'It was owned by a little old lady. Legally, that's all I can say. She still owns the intellectual property rights to her story.'

Cowboy in Old West boasts of having shot a guy for ending a sentence in a preposition.

Access Assessments

"I made the mistake of asking my boss for an office with a view."

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

"Whoes jumping? My secretary enforces a strict 'No Smoking' policy"

'The brakes are a bit dodgy, but the very loud horn compensates for that.'

"Why does he keep in the same players?"

D.I.Y ladder

How to write

Rare footage of a leopard changing spots.

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

"I ordered my steak rare - and this is well done...!"

"Some clean room - there's a fly in my potassium nitrate."

'Wow! I'm trying to fix my glasses with contact solution instead of super glue!'

"Hold on there buddy, that's not a KJV Bible." (two men talking, one with a Bible)

'If a raise is what you want, Halverson, a raise is what you get!'

'Don't you think this school has way too many fire drills?'

''Have you got any cockroaches?"

"The Department of Revenue and Tax? No, sorry, never heard of it before. You must have dialed the wrong number. This is the Department of Tax and Revenue."

"No no no...You can kick the ball into touch, not the opposition!"

Health and Safety vs Lawyers.

'No hitting below the belt.'