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'Would you feel less inferior if I made you a Colonel?'

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

"Sign my yearbook?"

'You know too much,'

"Wait a sec, I have a coupon around here somewhere."

'Instead of a raise, Yomp, you may call me 'Chief', instead of Mr Staghorn.'

(Visual gag) Wellard's annual BIG HANDBAG SALE!! A woman is dragging a huge bag out from a bag shop

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"I just..."

"I want you to know that emotion overrode reason."

I thought you said Megson couldn't be bought.

"How soon will this be a remnant

"Listen Herb, once you become the boss and decide who gets a raise, then you can have a raise."

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

'Bring me some more power.'

"This is what happens when you award the contract to the cheapest tender...."

"All it takes is a little marketing, Tia Carmen!"

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

Classic Autos: We have muscle cars for weaklings!

"Do kids eat free?"

'True it does have small flowers but through the microscope its exquisite.'

Crime in bookshop

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

'You shouldn't have.'

"I got my PhD in Nursing just so people would have to call me Doctor."

'Everyone's using your theorem, Pythagoras. I told you you should have patented it.'

Free Printer with Purchase of Ink

'I'm looking for a job that satisfies my lust for power.'

The Boss.

'Let me through - I've a bargain for a nose!'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

"No, no - I'm just looking for a balance of power that corrupts in moderation."

'...and this is the Mess.'