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"Frederick II, King and Chief Executive Officer of Mondamia."

For years he had enjoyed the good life at the royal court, until one day, Prince Frederick of Norway pointed out that there was, in fact, no such title as the Grand Duke of Funkadelia.

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

'Instead of a raise, Yomp, you may call me 'Chief', instead of Mr Staghorn.'

At Ireland's oldst and most respected school of dance, Mrs O'Hara made a terrible discovery... (Book entitled 'The book of Irish dancing vol. 2 - How to incorporate the arms')

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

Divine Desk Bins

'A is for Arse.'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

"There are those who write books to be read and other who write novels for bookshelves."

'God's speed.'

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

"I have an app for that."

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'You shouldn't have.'

Memoirs: Fiction/Non Fiction.

"I got my PhD in Nursing just so people would have to call me Doctor."

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

'Mom, dad's toasting the new year with the car again!'

Home Sweet Second Home.

The Boss.

Cut out and keep your own Jane Austen.

"No, I don't think I have a book in me. I think I have a chicken in me."

You trip on it, you buy it.

Benjamin Bunny re-writes Beatrix Potter