Title Commander Pillows

Receptionologist

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

Second lifeReal life.

"I got tired of 'Moby-Dick' taunting me from my bookshelf, so I put it on my Kindle and haven't thought of it since."

Girl on a giant pair of scissors.

'Your wife called to remind you that you're married, sir.'

'That seating section is for video gamers only.'

'Everyone keeps telling me I need my eyes checked, so here I am!'

'You know you're doing your job right when both coaches are mad at you.'

'That's my mom... she's sort of a CEO, an action committee, and a janitor all rolled up into one.'

"Cool game!"

"My drone strikes are successful, Sir, but I keep getting trash talk from a 15 year old in Montana."

'Taking the anger management class has made you uncharacteristically nice, sir.'

"I'm sorry I called you boring."

P.O.W. !! to US credibility.

"Sorry sir, it's the permafrost again!"

Woman colouring man's clothes with crayon.

'Remember, son. A winner is one who can keep his head while all around him are losing theirs.'

Holy cow! This is nothing like the hunting video game we played!

"I'll only be a few minutes more dad!"

'I don't see how this roller thing helps. . .'

'Why do you always get to be the tanks?'

'Well, yes, a little lonely, dear. But I have Mog. And my Grand Theft Auto...'

"No, it's great. I'm just saying 'The Gospel of St. Luke' is an ambitious title for a first-time self-publisher."

'I didn't know you got one for saluting.'

"I actually know more commands than I respond to."

'And I'll bet that there's a cute little war story that goes with each one of them.'

'Here's a field can opener, you may need it to cut yourself out of your tank.'

Referee

'Bill, I like the way you handle responsibility so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"Enough about your Xbox already!"

'What's wrong? You can play any game you want! Mwaahahaha!'