Tiresome Humorist Pillows

Tire Store. Blowout Sale!

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

COWMIKAZES

"While you were out, Mr. Sundberg, the little hand went from the one to the three."

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

Time management office worker

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

Time Travelers from the 21st Century.

'Sorry son, I bought you an ice-cream at the corner shop, but it melted on the way home...'

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

"Oh please, go on, just for the weekend."

"Damn if I didn't start walking in this direction for a reason..."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

I'm retired...I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

"Help! I've fallen and my son is a disappointment!"

Vulture waiting outside a failing business.

'The teachers' range are all designed vertically so they can stand at the front of the class.'

"I'm starting to look old."

Old Darth Vader

Same Sexless Marriage

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'