Tireless Parent Gifts

"The commute is rough today."

Children in fancy dress on the way to music lessons

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

"The Internet ate my baby!"

"Damn it, are we flying a spoonful of peas again?"

'We're beta testing Goo-Goo Glass.'

'The stuka brought you.'

'Keep in mind, some assembly is required.'

"I wonder what he dreams about...Squirrels I bet."

I think we need to get him outside more often. iPad … iPad …

"Sorry Mom, but I really need to take this call."

"Wasn't it your turn to drop him to online school?!"

'Congatulations! It's a PDA!'

"The kids? They're great! Karen got retweeted by a famous YouTuber and Timmy just hit 16K Insta followers. They start influencing so quickly, don't they?"

"Look what I found in the garage! My old music speakers!"

"Look Daddy, at least the poor economy hasn't affected the Tooth Fairy yet!"

'I'm too tired to listen to a story tonight, mom. Just e-mail something and I'll read it tomorrow.'

'I need some tech support here!'

"Mom, there's a monster under my bed. Can we keep it?"

"We're still figuring out how to monetise him."

'That's my boy! An A+ in 'spell-checking'!'

"I'll plug you in, tell you a bedtime algorithm, then LEDs out."

"They came home and got straight on with their homework - apparently it's the latest craze."

Designer Baby.

Heimlich's Mother's Maneuvers

'It used to be enough to keep them fed and clothed. Now it's fed, clothed and connected.'

'A bike this nice, I didn't think you'd mind me bathing it in your bathtub. Do you have an extra blanket, it'll be sleeping in our room.'

"Daddy, I'm all grown up now, and I'm leaving to start a life of my own."

"Mom! Download this app, make an account, sign in and scan this code to see what I made for you."

"Well, look at him, he's just a chip from inside the ol' bot!"

'I got the idea from a veterinarian friend of mine.'

'Good morning, Dad, It's your turn to be the cowboys!'

"I'd be happy if I got half the attention and was half as clever as my kids' smartphones."

When travel soccer leagues get out of control.

"How many times did I tell you? Don't put the outdated chargers in the drawer for broken headphones."