Digital Parent Gifts

'I'm too tired to listen to a story tonight, mom. Just e-mail something and I'll read it tomorrow.'

'Turn on your cell phone, Mom. As soon as I learn the alphabet, I'll text you.'

'It used to be enough to keep them fed and clothed. Now it's fed, clothed and connected.'

"Mommy, you forgot to tweet me good night."

"Mom! Download this app, make an account, sign in and scan this code to see what I made for you."

I think we need to get him outside more often. iPad … iPad …

Is that your baby over there? Yes, so? House of Java.net Cybercafe. Nothing. I think she was all alone while you were playing with your phone. How dare you judge me! I'm sorry. No, I didn't mean anything. It's just, well … Is that the new iPhone? It's fantastic. The other mothers rave about it.

Waaa. There, there, Tricia. Don't cry. Momma knows just what you need. Here's your very own iPhone. If you can't beat 'em, text 'em. You're only allowed 27,000 texts per month.

"And what's your domain name?"

My Child Is A Smart Phone At Bayville Middle School.

"Spring! The lark's on the wing, the snails on the thorn, the kids are on the bloody computer."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

'Shhh... It's babies app time.'

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

"Bless, Poppy's first tweet!"

The modern generation!

'Keep in mind, some assembly is required.'

"Dad's at that awkward age when he knows just enough about computers to really screw 'em up!"

No caption (A daughter shines a light from her cellphone as her dad makes a Twitter icon shadow puppet).

Baby cries into a cellphone.

"Which comes first, crawling or coding?"

Today's Mothers Day!

"Wasn't it your turn to drop him to online school?!"

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"Sorry Mom, but I really need to take this call."

'I do set limits. For example, he wasn't allowed to use the tablet computer until after he downloaded a potty training app.'

'Congatulations! It's a PDA!'

"There's no umbilical cord. But don't worry... it just means your baby is connected to you via wifi."

'Baby's got his first blue tooth!'

"We named him XB32116 so we never forget the Wi-Fi password."

"Honey, please don't talk to Daddy when he's in a chat room."

At the modern antenatal class.

"Hey honey, I found this great article about protecting kids from social media on Facebook!"

"The kids? They're great! Karen got retweeted by a famous YouTuber and Timmy just hit 16K Insta followers. They start influencing so quickly, don't they?"