Digital Parent Pillows

'I'm too tired to listen to a story tonight, mom. Just e-mail something and I'll read it tomorrow.'

'Turn on your cell phone, Mom. As soon as I learn the alphabet, I'll text you.'

'It used to be enough to keep them fed and clothed. Now it's fed, clothed and connected.'

"Mom! Download this app, make an account, sign in and scan this code to see what I made for you."

"And what's your domain name?"

My Child Is A Smart Phone At Bayville Middle School.

"Spring! The lark's on the wing, the snails on the thorn, the kids are on the bloody computer."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

'Shhh... It's babies app time.'

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

'Keep in mind, some assembly is required.'

The modern generation!

"Dad's at that awkward age when he knows just enough about computers to really screw 'em up!"

Baby cries into a cellphone.

"Which comes first, crawling or coding?"

"Wasn't it your turn to drop him to online school?!"

"Sorry Mom, but I really need to take this call."

Today's Mothers Day!

'I do set limits. For example, he wasn't allowed to use the tablet computer until after he downloaded a potty training app.'

"There's no umbilical cord. But don't worry... it just means your baby is connected to you via wifi."

'Congatulations! It's a PDA!'

'Baby's got his first blue tooth!'

"The kids? They're great! Karen got retweeted by a famous YouTuber and Timmy just hit 16K Insta followers. They start influencing so quickly, don't they?"

"We named him XB32116 so we never forget the Wi-Fi password."

At the modern antenatal class.

"Hey honey, I found this great article about protecting kids from social media on Facebook!"

"Honey, please don't talk to Daddy when he's in a chat room."

"At which trimester will I be able to communicate with my baby via text?"

"Please – I promise I’ll walk him, feed him, and manage his social media platforms."

"Aww, look. Baby just seeped her first credit card!"

'Oh, look! Baby's first text!'

"Mommy, can I help you feed the troll?"

"It's cash. It's kind of like a debit card."

'If you text for a glass of water one more time, Daddy's going to take away your cell phone.'