Tipster Pillows

Tip responsibly

Harry, I've just had a tip!

I remember your lousy tip. Enjoy MY trickle-down theory.'

"You can have my doggie bag as a tip."

'I'm afraid you've failed the Turing test.'

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

"Do we need change? That's a $100 bill for a $53 check, Mr. Presumptuous."

'We have developed an APP we use to import ingredients from the Internet, merge them in the computer, and then download them into the distiller and then just bottle the output.'

"Isn't it enough we tip well? Must we also like him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter?"

"Yes we have dollar drafts, no you can't use your own glass."

'A packet o' crisps, and have one for yersel'.'

'You're right, I did overtip. Well, we'll just stiff someone at the next place.'

"I'd say my favourite wine is the sixth one."

Our specials today include salad and dessert. Tip and service are NOT included.

'Thanks, Sis, but I think it's my turn to leave the stealth tip.'

"This wasn't me, it was the bottle talking."

One shandy and two glasses of tap water please.

'This $10,000 bottle of Bordeaux is also a powerful solvent. It entirely dissolved my savings account.'

Tip Responsibly

'Owner's kid. Gets paid under the table.'

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'

"All our ingredients are ethically sourced, so feel free to leave the sh*ttiest tip you can possibly imagine."

'Would you like to start with a drink, a menu, or my gratuity.'

'I never get tipped!'

'It's that waitress I always leave big tips to.'

5-6 pm: Unhappy hour - mourn the loss of jobs to apps, bots, drones.

'So, does your wrist-wearable wine analyzer have anything so say about that Burgundy, like how to get it out of silk?'

"15%? We all tipped 20%"

'Psssst... cop on other side of hill.'

'Just give him the tip, Harold.'

"Thank you, sir. I see you're not hopelessly liberal."

'Switch me to the cheap stuff when I start talking with my W. C. Fields voice.'

"I prefer the cheap stuff."

"You know this is to solve your problems."

"Whatever you do, give the bellboy a good tip."