Timeshare Skeptics Pillows

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

Mother Goose Timeshare

"I have an idea. How about I don't have to eat broccoli until I learn how to spell it."

'You've got just 2 minutes to pack then you are on OUR time and I'm going to start charging you rent!'

Workaholic on a cruise

"Can I start you all off with my cheesy alimony saga?"

"Remember, our do-nothing congress never raised your taxes!"

'We could easily share this nest: You would use it during the day and I would use it at night...'

"Our dental plan is fluoridation of the water cooler."

"You've got six days."

'How did I become Vice-President? You ask...I came up with the logest list of fees to charge bank customers.'

'I don't really believe in global warming... until I found a way to make money at it.'

Big egg timer 'Latest in time share properties.'

Annoying things about the beach.

Essential / Non Essential Signpost - 'It's way more competitive since they turned things over to the private sector.'

Is this all you earned? We're fighting a war to protect your right to earn more.

"It's the bill for our pay rise."

Couple in bed. Man enjoys post-coital cigarette while woman is on laptop. He says: 'Are you blogging this?'

"My pronouns are I, me, and mine."

"Apparently, nobody up there gives a crap that daylight-saving time is over."

'Just give me the ten bucks and look at it as another surcharge.'

"I draw the line at flip-flops shares."

Save up to 100% when you don't buy anything.

'Well, I can think of one good reason to be happy that summer is almost over!'

'Must you end every bedtiime story with 'and then they were blown up by terrorists'?!'